With Choices Comes Tears
by WritingWithABrokenHeart
Summary: A heartbreaking story about Tony DiNozzo and Ziva David. Happens at the end of season 9 and then season 10.
1. 9x23: We Both Know What We Gotta Say

**Chapter 1: We both know what we gotta say. **

It is a rainy summers night. It is almost 3 am, and most people has gone to bed hours ago. But in an apartment not far from the Navy Yard, there is still a small light turned on in the kitchen. It is a candle burning. In the shadows of it, there is a tear. Falling down a young woman's cheek. An open bottle of wine and a glass is standing on the table. As her shaking hand moves across a small piece of paper, the tear is joined by many others. Some hit the floor. Some hit the table. Some hit the letter. The letter for the man that left her.

_**Tony. Tony. Tony. Anthony. Anthony. Anthony. Anthony DiNozzo.**_

_**I sit here. Alone. In my kitchen. Thinking about how I should have told you all those things  
I have wanted to tell you for so long. You have always been my dearest friend.  
Even when you were this stuck up idiot. You were still my friend.  
But Tony. Then you killed Michael. Believe me, I was really close to killing you that night.  
You were the last person I had ever thought would break my trust.  
You might not know this, but .. I trust you more than anyone in this world.  
Sometimes I trust you more than I trust Gibbs.  
I have put my life in your hands every day the past 6 years.  
Every day. I have trusted you to be there for me.  
To take down a shooter for me.  
To run to me if I got hurt.  
To protect me.  
Tony. You are my weakness. If McGee, Abby, Ducky or Gibbs was ever in danger,  
I would be strong on the outside, but terrified inside.  
But if you were in danger. I cannot allow myself to imagine something like that.  
I would be this shadow of myself, left to stare at the wall  
while someone was trying to convince me  
that you were going to be okay. **_

Ziva's pen broke. She sighed and grabbed another one. The candle was still burning, and now, the thunder had started outside. The rain hit the windows very hard, but the sound and the smell of rain calmed Ziva down. She looked at the letter, as her hands began to shake. He would never read this. He was gone. He was no longer a part of her life. He had another life. A life he had decided to chase. A life he had decided to be reunited with.

***Flashback***

It was night. It was quiet. They were all there. Ziva was sitting at her desk in silence. Gibbs was sitting at his. McGee and Abby were standing by McGee's desk, staring at the stairs. Ducky and Palmer were there too. Ziva was staring at Tony's desk. Thinking if she would ever see him sitting there again. Throwing paper balls at her instead of working. Leaning back and putting his feet up on his desk, talking about some movie and distracting McGee from work.

Then they heard it. A door was closed. A sigh was heard. Tony came walking down the stairs, looking at the team. He stopped at the entrance to the bullpen. They all starred at him. He went to his desk and grabbed his gun. He walked over to Gibbs, and handed it to him.

"I have to know."

At that moment, they all knew what he had decided. He was going to leave them. It hadn't sunken in yet, but they all knew it. Deep down inside, they knew that they would never see him again. Gibbs tried to hide it. He just nodded and looked at Tony.

"Then you better go."

Tony nodded. He turned to Ducky and Palmer.

"Ducky. I just want to say .. thank you. I've always admired you."

"I wish you the best of luck Anthony."

Tony then looked at Palmer.

"I know you're gonna be a kickass medical examiner someday Palmer."

"Uh .. Thank you."

Tony then took a hesitated step and looked at Abby.

"Tony .."

"Abbs don't say anything."

Tony gave Abby a hug, and then he whipped away one of her tears with his finger. He then looked at McGee, who had gotten up from his chair. They starred at each other like 2 brothers.

"Don't think this is a way of me saying you're no longer a Probie. Probie."

"I know Tony. I'll always be the Probie."

"Take care then. Probie."

McGee seemed surprised at Tony's choice of words, but he smiled at him.

"You too."

Tony then sighed and looked down. Now, it was the hardest goodbye. The goodbye he wasn't sure he would be able to say. He had to gather all the strength he had left in him, and he turned to face her. He had expected to get this confused, betrayed stare from her. But her expression was more longing. Everyone seemed to freeze as they watched Tony and Ziva stare at each other, like they had done a million times before. This time, it was way more intense. It wasn't this sexy, "Hey I bet you wonder what I'm thinking right now" stare they usually had. This was the most intense stare 2 people could share. So many words were hidden behind the 4 eyes that were a part of the stare. Her stare. It was mix of concern, hurt, longing and need. His stare was pretty much the same. Concern, hurt, longing and need. But the feeling that was the most obvious was .. wondering. Wondering, what might have been. What could have been. What would have been. What will be. If there was ever a way for those 2 to have a real goodbye. A goodbye that could hold all those unspoken words, was not possible. Ziva then finally broke the silence.

"I .. I will walk you to your car Tony."

Tony followed Ziva to the elevator, and they were gone. The rest of the team was still in shock. They all wanted to follow and wave goodbye to Tony. But they all knew, that those two had to have their private goodbye.

Tony and Ziva stood beside Tony's car, facing each other. Their eyes staring so passionately into each other, the tension around them was unbelievable. None of them knew what to do. None of them could say the word. None of them were able to handle such a strong goodbye.

"Zeevah."

Tony finally said something to break the silence. Ziva looked at him and was about to open her mouth, but she had no words to say. Actually, she had millions of words to say. She just didn't know how to say them.

"Tony."

His name finally escaped from her mouth.

"Tony, I –"

"Sssh. Remember that song we were listening to, on the way to Paris? The song they played on the radio."

"Yes."

Tony took his hand up to her cheek and brushed it gently.

"_**We both know what we gotta say. But not today. Cause I don't wanna leave this way." **_

Ziva looked down. Tony kept on going.

"_**Don't say goodbye. Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight."**_

They just kept staring into each other's eyes, as Tony continued to speak to her and grabbed her hand.

"_**And although we knew, this time would come for me and you. Don't say anything tonight, if you're gonna say goodbye. And if it's over. It hurts but I'm giving you my word. I hope that you're always happy like we were."**_

Ziva then finished the sentence for him.

"_**Don't say anything tonight. If you're gonna say goodbye."**_

Tony let go of her hand and her cheek, and after one last stare, he got into his car. Ziva moved away, and as Tony drove away and towards the exit, she stared at him. There were still no tears in her eyes. When she could no longer see his car, she began to sing.

"_**Things are changing. It seems strange and I need to figure this out. You've got your life. I've got mine. But you're all I cared about. Yesterday we were laughing.  
Today I'm left here asking. Where has all the time gone now. I'm left alone somehow. Growing up and getting older.  
I don't want to believe it's over.  
Don't say goodbye. Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight. Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I.  
And although we knew this time would come for me and you.  
Don't say anything tonight,  
If you're gonna say .. goodbye."**_

Ziva stood there for a little longer. Then she walked back upstairs to get her things. She was met by 5 worried stares.

"You can stay at my place tonight Ziva."

"No thank you Abby. I am fine. I just want to go home. Really. I will see you tomorrow."

_**So now, I am sitting here. Alone. Listening to the thunder outside. **_

_**Tony. They say that a picture says more than a thousand words.**_

_**In this case, it was a stare. **_

_**One last stare. **_

_**One last touch. **_

_**One last impossible goodbye. **_

So my first thought after writing this was: Wow, can you write a sadder story girl? ;)

But it just CAME TO ME! I had no idea what I was writing actually.

But don't worry, this story is far from done (;

The song, I was listening to it while writing, and it just seemed to fit.

"Don't say goodbye" – By Skillet.


	2. 9x24: Writting With The Heart

**Chapter 2: A letter from my heart **

Ziva was now standing at the zink in her bathroom. She splashed some water to her face and looked at her reflection in the mirror.

_**It was my fault.**__ I have no one but myself to blame.  
If it wasn't for me, and my loyalty to you,  
she would never have been a problem._

_Tony. Why did I not try to stop you?  
Why did I not I tell you to stay?  
Stay right here at NCIS with me.  
Because I care too much about you.  
And I just want you to be happy._

_Even if it means letting you go?  
If you love someone, set them free.  
That is what you Americans say.  
Why do you not mention that it hurts like crazy?_

_I still remember the day. _

_Marine Alexander Woods. Died in a car accident. Easy case. Or so we thought. We had to go to Chicago to get his body. Gibbs told McGee and me to go. Did he know? Did Vance tell him? Who knows. We got to the hospital, where McGee talked to someone about the body. I needed to go to the bathroom, so the doctor told me that I could just use the nurses bathroom. While I was washing my hands, I saw her. She was walking outside on the hall. I turned around. We saw each other. All I saw was pain. She must have seen the same. I decided not to tell McGee. _

_Only a few hours later, we were ready to go. But it turned out that the doctor who had taken care of the marine had forgotten to give us some of the papers. So I went to her apartment. On the door. It said her name. I knocked. There she was. There was silence._

"_Hello." I finally said._

"_Hello."_

"_I .. I am here because there were some papers you forgot to give us."_

"_Oh yea I just found out. I'll get them if you wait here."_

_But I had to go inside. As she walked into another room, I looked around. And I saw it. She had a picture of you on the wall. _

"_Yes. It is him."_

"_Jeanne. I am sorry I did not mean to –"_

"_It's okay. It's your job. Just like I was his."_

_I sighed and walked over to her._

"_Jeanne. I have known Tony for a long time. Maybe only a year before he met you. But trust me. I work with him. I see him every single day. I have to put my life in his hands when we are in the field. And I know him better than anyone else. And .. I remember the hurt look on his face when you left. When you told him that you never wanted to see him again."_

"_I remember you were there. You were standing next to him when the FBI people showed me to the elevator."_

"_Yes, I was. I told him that he should go and talk to you."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because .. I knew you both had to finish it. Tony had been this shadow of himself after you left him the first time. Trust me, if there had been a way for him to be with you .. I know he would have taken it."_

"_There was a way."_

"_Jeanne. You cannot ask someone to give up their entire life for you. I am sorry but I think that is extremely selfish."_

"_I know. So do I when I look back. But I loved him. I trusted him. And it had all been a lie."_

"_No. Maybe, in the beginning. He was doing his job. Unfortunately, Tony brought his feelings with him this time. Sometimes we are asked to do things we will regret. You have no idea of what I have had to do in my career."_

"_Is telling someone you love them, and look like you mean it, something you do on regular basis?"_

"_No."_

"_Then why did he have to do it?"_

"_I do not know. And we will never get the answer. The director who gave him the assignment is dead."_

"_Oh .. I'm sorry."_

"_It happened a long time ago. Only a few months after you saw us for the last time."_

"_I was in shock. It was like there was this man, Tony DiNozzo, who had killed the man I loved. Tony DiNardo."_

"_Well he had to live a double life."_

"_Yes, but you must understand that the Tony I know, is another Tony than the one you know."_

"_Well, how was the Tony you knew?"_

"_He was funny. Charming. Couldn't stop talking about movies. Childish. But still protective and serious when it was needed."_

"_Jeanne. That is actually the way I would describe Tony."_

"_I knew him as a silly professor in film studies. You know an NCIS agent."_

"_Your job is not who you are."_

"_It was to him. At the time."_

"_True."_

"_Your name is Ziva right?"_

"_Yes."_

"_How is he?"_

"_He is fine. He is back in D.C, waiting for us to come back."_

"_I just .. I always wonder what could have been. What might have happened if I had let him get a chance to explain and ask him to come with me."_

"_You cannot live on love Jeanne."_

"_No. But you can't live without it either."_

"_True."_

_Jeanne handed me a letter._

"_Will you give this too him?"_

_I starred at the letter. What had she written? What was she going to say to him?_

_I did not say anything. I just took the letter and put it in my purse. I never said that I would give it to you._

_But on the flight back to D.C, I thought about it._

_I had no rights to keeping this letter from him. It belonged to him. It was about him. And about her. I could not read the letter. That is illegal. But it was so insanely tempting. What could she possible have left to say to you?_

_When we got back to D.C, you picked us up at the airport. You even told me that .. I looked pretty after the flight. I could have given you the letter. But it stayed in my purse._

_The next day, we had a moment alone in the office. The letter was in my bag. But I still kept it from you. _

_The day after that, we went out for drinks. The letter was in my apartment._

_Somehow, 2 weeks passed by. The longer I waited, the more difficult it would be for me to explain why I had kept it from you. _

_So I gave it to you. _

"_Tony. I am sorry that I did not give it to you sooner. I just .. I was afraid you might get hurt from what she had written."_

"_It's okay Ziva."_

_You left the office to read the letter in your car. When you came back, you had this strange look on your face. You went straight to Vance's office. I snuck after you. And I heard what you talked about._

"_Is it possible?"_

"_I'm afraid not. There is no need for a new agent in Chicago."_

"_Oh .."_

"_Think about the choice you're making here DiNozzo."_

"_I've thought about this day for a long time. I just never thought it would come. A part of me wants to know."_

"_You have until the end of the week DiNozzo."_

_I ran towards Abby's lab. No. No. No. No. No. You cannot leave NCIS Tony! _

_I told her what I heard, and what had happened. Abby and McGee yelled at you. _

"_Tony! That woman hurt you so bad! How can you even consider it?"_

"_Abs it's not that easy."_

"_Yes it is! Tony for god sake! She wants you to give up everything to be with her .. that's so freaking selfish!"_

"_If McGee had to leave the contruey, would you follow him?"_

"_That's not the same thing!"_

"_That is exactly the same thing!"_

_You turned around and walked out of the lab. I felt like I had betrayed you. But Abby could always get some sense into your mind. Or so I thought._

Ziva looked at all the pages of paper she had used for the letter. This letter. It was a letter that had taken him away from her. Could a letter bring him back to her?  
She had to know. Al though he would probably need some time with Jeanne. She would wait for him. But she didn't know his address. Maybe .. maybe it wasn't too late to catch him at his apartment? Who was she kidding. It was 5 in the morning. He was long gone. Ziva walked back into the kitchen and took another glass of wine. Trying to make the pain to go away. But no matter what, he would always be on her mind.


	3. 10x01: Over You

**Chapter: Over you.**

_**Now that it's all said and done,  
I can't believe you were the one  
To build me up and tear me down,  
Like an old abandoned house.**_

_**What you said when you left  
Just left me cold and out of breath.  
I fell too far, was in way too deep.  
Guess I let you get the best of me.**_

_**Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.**_

"_Dear Tony. I'm writing this to you now, since we fought .. again.  
Tony, this is strange. What was once so easy, is now so complicated.  
When you turned up on my doorstep, you just looked at me.  
And I knew then it was another Tony that was standing in front of me.  
But, I hoped that I could learn to love the other Tony.  
Tony, you just seemed like most guys.  
But I always knew that there was something you were hiding.  
I felt abandoned every time you left in a hurry.  
I thought you had another woman in your life.  
Turns out you just had another life.  
I guess my Tony will always be a part of my past.  
You, on the other hand, I'm not sure if I want you  
to be a part of my present anymore. Or my future._

_Jeanne."__****_

You took a hammer to these walls,  
Dragged the memories down the hall,  
Packed your bags and walked away.  
There was nothing I could say.  
And when you slammed the front door shut,  
A lot of others opened up,  
So did my eyes so I could see  
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.  


"_Dear Jeanne. When you read this letter, I'll be gone. These past two weeks has made me realize a lot of things.  
You have a whole new life here. A life where I don't fit in. I thought, I hoped that we would e able to have a chance.  
But, I guess some things just aren't meant to be. It was great knowing you Jeanne. I know that you'll meet someone one day,  
Someone who can give you all those things I can't. Someone who won't have to live a double life.  
I've tried Jeanne, but I can't deny who I am.  
I am Tony DiNozzo. NCIS special senior field agent.  
I won't end this letter saying that I love you, because .. I don't think I do anymore.  
Please don't take this harsh. I just .. I just lost those feelings. When you deny something for so long,  
It just slips away with time. Time heals every wound you have.  
But, you'll always have someone who will help you Jeanne. Remember that._

_Tony."_

_**Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.**_

Jeanne: (On the phone) I just wish you the best Tony.

Tony: Yea .. you too. Take care.

Jeanne: You too.

Tony hung up on Jeanne, and took one last look at her apartment window. She was staring down at him. She smiled. Tony opened the door to his car, and began to drive. _****_

Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
Well I'm putting my heart back together,  
'Cause I got over you.  
Well I got over you.  
I got over you.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never  
get through, I got over you.

Finally. He was free. Now he knew. Knew where he belonged. And who he belonged with.

As Tony got to the highway, he watched carefully for the signs.

It would take a long time driving from Chicago to D.C.

But he had a lot to think about.

**Song – "Over you" Daughtry.**

**So I think this is kinda becomg a song-fic (:**

**Not all chapters will have songs and lyrics like this, but I like finding a song that fits a story, so I'll tell you guys which song I've listened to while writing (:**


	4. 10x02: The Place Where I Belong

**First, sorry it's been a while. Been caught up at school with exams and all that useless stuff (; **

**Anyway, well Daughtry somehow fits this story pretty well, haha (: **

**REVIEW! **

The rain was pouring down as Tony drove past towns, fields and state lines. He had no idea what to say. He had no idea what would happen. He just knew that he was going home.  
After a few hours in silence, he turned on the radio.

**I'm staring out into the night,  
Trying to hide the pain.  
I'm going to the place where love  
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.  
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.**

He was going home. NCIS was his home. Everyone there was his family. Gibbs was his father. Ducky was his uncle. Palmer and McGee was his brothers. Abby was his sister. Ziva ..  
Ziva was more than just family. Al though they never admitted it, they cared deeply for each other. Every time they were apart, they both felt it. They knew something was missing.  
But why? Why does she make him feel all stupid and shy? Why does she make him feel lost and comfortable at the same time? Trust like theirs is hard to find. Whenever their eyes met,  
A spark appeared in both their eyes. And everyone felt it. ****

Well I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,  
The closer I get to you.  
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.  
But your love remains true.  
And I don't know why.  
You always seem to give me another try.

How many times had he let her down? Her harsh words the day in Tel Aviv were still in his memory. She might as well have put a bullet through his head. She wanted to. He could tell from the way she looked at him.  
But she didn't.

When she got her citenzhip , he wasn't there. She did forgive him when she was told why. But he just couldn't stop imagining the hurt look on her face as she looked at the two empty seats.

He had protected her when they were caught by the drug cartel in Mexico. He had begged them to torture him instead of her.

"_Let's see .. what about you miss David?"_

_For all those years Tony had known Ziva, he had never seen her be afraid. But he could tell by the way her eyes starred at Alejandro, who was smiling his creepy smile at her._

"_Take me instead."_

"_Excuse me?"_

_Alejandro looked at me with a confused look. So did Ziva. Al though, hers was a mix of surprise and confusion. _

"_Agent DiNozzo don't worry. We will get to you sooner than you think."_

"_Let her go."_

"_I'm afraid you might have misunderstood something. You're being held captive."_

_Tony kept staring intense at Ziva._

"_I'll tell you everything you need to know."_

"_Well, that was easy."_

"_But you let her go first."_

"_Well, that does sound fair."_

_Alejandro nodded to the guard who took Ziva and left with her._

"_Now, tell me agent DiNozzo."_

"_Where is he taking her?"_

"_Do not worry. She will be fine."_

"_The deal was that if she's not returned to the American embassy in perfect order, not a single hair missing from her head. I won't tell you anything until I know she's safe."_

_Alejandro laughed a little._

"_You really care for her."_

"_I care for my team."_

"_Oh yeah, it is your team when agent Gibbs isn't around. So you would do this for every single person at NCIS?"_

_Tony thought to himself. Of course. But it was a special situation with Ziva. She had been tortured enough for an entire lifetime. He couldn't stand to see that pain in her eyes again. The look you have when you believe that theres no more hope in the world. That nothing matters. He had to spare her. But still, did Alejandro really think he would betray his country? _

"_If you look outside the window, you will see a car with the NCIS sign. It is from the embassy, and Ziva is about to get inside. She is safe."_

_Tony watched as Ziva was taken to the car. Or, a woman was taken to the car. How stupid did they think he was? That wasn't Ziva. This woman was taller and the hat didn't hide then brown hair, which was shorter than Ziva.s Tony had to know where she was. _

"_Alejandro. How can I know you won't bring her back and kill her when I'm done telling you everything? Or maybe it's your men driving the car and they have orders to kill her?"_

_Alejandro didn't answer. He was shot. He was lying on the floor infront of Tony, with a bullet through his head. A flashback of Saleem appeaed in Tony's mind. But this wasn't a sniper shot. McGee was standing in the door, looking at Tony. He untied him and walked outside. There, Ziva stood waiting with Director Vance and the Rivera Mansion was being torn apart by NCIS agents. Tony walked to Ziva, and they stared at each other. No smiles. No laughs. Just this intense stare, but a stare says more than a thousand words._**  
So I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old.  
So I'm going home.**

Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all,  
And then some you don't want.  
Be careful what you wish for,  
'Cause you just might get it all.  
You just might get it all, yeah.  
Before Tony knew it, he was Finally in D.C. It was 5:20 in the morning, but that didn't stop him. He turned around and drove in a completely different direction than his apartment. He drove towards hers.

If he was lucky, he would catch her before she went to work.**  
Oh, well I'm going home,  
Back to the place where I belong,  
And where your love has always been enough for me.  
I'm not running from.  
No, I think you got me all wrong.  
I don't regret this life I chose for me.  
But these places and these faces are getting old.  
I said these places and these faces are getting old,  
So I'm going home.  
****I'm going home.**


	5. 10x03: Hole In My Heart

**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me**

Ziva was sitting at a bar. It was around 2:30 am. McGee and Abby had left a little over an hour ago, together. Ziva had smiled a little at them, holding hands in the rain when they though she wasn't looking. But she couldn't help but feeling this stinging pain in her body. In her heart, to be exact. And her stomach. She had blocked out the people and the music, and she just thought of him. And this big, empty space she felt inside of her.

**What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watchin you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
But I know if i could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken**

"Did I try hard enough?" She thought to herself."No. Because if I had tried hard enough, he wouldn't have left."

Ziva starred at her empty glass. The tequila didn't help at all. She ordered another one. Who cared if she had work tomorrow? She didn't, and it wasn't really anyone's business.

"Hey."

Ziva looked at the man sitting next to her. He was about 36, tall, black hair, green eyes and a goofy smile. He reminded her of Tony. She didn't answer him.

"So are you here alone?"

"Yes."

"Well, you need some company?"  
"No."

"Aw C'mon. Can I buy you something?"

"No thank you. I was on my way out."

"Oh so was I."

"Sure you were."

"Where do you live?"  
"Not your business."

"Playing hard to get are we?"

Ziva turned around and stared at the man.

4 hours later, Ziva left the man's apartment. She didn't even feel disgusted with herself. She just felt empty. No one would be able to fill the hole in her body.****

What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

She arrived at work just on time to see Tony's empty desk being used by a new agent. Agent Dwane was it this time. Gibbs hadn't been happy with any of the agents Vance had given him. This was the 4th in 2 weeks. Ziva knew that he would be packing his stuff again in a few days.


	6. 10x04: Chasing You

The day ended the same as every day for the past two weeks. Ziva drank a bottle of wine with her dinner, and then opened another one. She passed out on her bed at 3:30. The TV was still on, showing _The Pirate Ship._

_**The next morning**_

It was early morning. Tony arrived at Ziva apartment. He tried the buzzer, but she didn't answer. He turned around and ran towards his car. Maybe she was still out on her morning run. Tony started the car and drove towards the park where he knew she usually went on her morning runs. Al though it was only a 10 minute drive, it seemed like forever. He had no idea why he was trying to find her. He had no idea what he was going to say to her. He just knew he had to see her. Now. Not at work, because he needed to be alone with her. He needed to be able to stare into those gorgeous brown eyes without McGee bothering them with computer stuff or Gibbs giving him a headslap and telling them they've "Got a dead marine." Tony needed to be alone with Ziva. Because there was something he had to tell her.

He parked the car and walked into the park. Many of the morning runners used the path around the lake, but Ziva wasn't there. Tony was about to give up hope, but then he saw a dark haired woman by the bench across the lake. He started running but so did she. People began to stare at Tony, who was running like a maniac. He yelled for Ziva, but she was listening to music on her iPod. Tony kept yelling for her.

Ziva was running while listening to the song _No Air _by Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks. It was one of her favorites. It described how she felt perfectly. Al though she was confused by her feelings for Tony she felt the exact way the song described. Running with her eyes closed, she didn't notice people staring at her and the man running behind her, calling her name. But she suddenly felt something in her shoe. Great, she thought. There was a stone in her shoe. She bend down to get it out, but someone tripped over her and they both fell to the ground.

Ziva was lying on her back, Tony on top of her. Their eyes met.

"Hi Zee."

"Uh."

"Okay not really the reaction I was hoping for."

"Tony what are you doing here?"

"Well I was trying to catch you. Damn you run fast ninja."

"I was asking why you were here? In D.C? And would you mind getting off of me?"

"Sorry. I forgot you preferred being on top."

They both lied still as Tony said that. Ziva starred into his eyes, trying to look for the laugh that would tell her he was just joking. But he was serious. Ziva laughed a little, while she smiled.

"Well maybe some other time. It is mostly because people are watching."

Tony got up and reached out his hand for Ziva. She took it and got up. There they stood. On the path, people had stopped staring at them, but the scene was far from over. None of them knew what to say, but there was no awkward silence. They just locked eyes like they had a million times before.

"So do you often run with music louder than your own snore?"

"I just got caught up."

"What were you listening to anyway?"

Tony took one of Ziva's headphones and as he began listening, a new song started playing.

**I've been meaning to tell you  
I've got this felling that won't subside  
I look at you and I fantasize  
You're mine tonight  
Now I've got you in my sights**

With these hungry eyes  
One look at you and I can't disguise  
I've got hungry eyes  
I feel the magic between you and I

"_Dirty Dancing_? Not bad choice Zeevah."

"Well it is a good movie."

"Indeed."

**I want to hold you so hear me out  
I want to show you what love's all about  
Darling tonight  
Now I've got you in my sights**

**With these hungry eyes  
One look at you and I can't disguise  
I've got hungry eyes  
I feel the magic between you and I**

"You watched it lately?"

"No. I have it on DVD but it has been a while."

"I haven't watched it in a long time either."

**Now I've got you in my sights  
With these hungry eyes  
Now did I take you by a surprise  
I need you to see  
This love was meant to be**

"We could watch it together some day."

"Sounds great."

**With these hungry eyes  
One look at you and I can't disguise  
I've got hungry eyes  
I feel the magic between you and I**

Tony and Ziva started walking.

"Did you really come all the way here to talk about a movie? Al though, I wouldn't be surprised."

"No."

Ziva stopped and looked at Tony.

"Then why are you here?"

"You tell me."

"Huh?"

Tony took Ziva's hand and sat down on a bench. She sat down next to him. They were still holding hands. It just seemed so natural.

"I don't know why I'm here."

"What about Jeanne?"

"When you deny something for such a long time, it just slips away."

"Time heals every wound."

"But some scars won't fade."

Ziva sighed.

"But it's not my scars I'm talking about."

"Tony –"

"You can't keep denying it. You never told me what happened to you. I can figure out most of it. But still. It's been 3 years."

"I won't deny that the thought of talking about it haven't crossed my mind."

"So what's stopping you?"

"I need the courage to do it."

"I'm here for you."

"No. You left me."

"I'm sorry about that."

"You do not have to apologize. I never did anything to stop you."

"Yes you did. The way you looked at me should have stopped me."

"I never said anything."

"You didn't have to."

Tony brushed Ziva's check and removed a hair from her face. They kept the intense stare.

"So you came back because you felt it was wrong to be with Jeanne?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"Because I felt it was wrong to be without you."

_**Meanwhile, at the NCIS building**_

In the director's office.

"What am I suppose to do?"

"I don't know."

"I can't force agent DiNozzo back. And neither can you. He quit. You need to get over that and accept a new agent. Agent David is now your senior field agent, and the next agent I hire for your team stays!"

Gibbs left Vance's office without a word.

Downstairs, McGee was sitting at his desk. Alone. He was used to Gibbs not being at his desk at this time, and Tony's desk had been empty for 2 weeks. Well, if you didn't count all those agent Vance had tried to sign for the team. No one really wanted to be on the team anymore. Al though it was an amazing opportunity, everyone knew Gibbs wouldn't be nice to any of them. McGee heard the elevator doors open. Not many seconds later, Abby was at his desk.

"I don't like this McGee!"

"She'll be here soon."

"Last time she was late she was being accused of betraying the country by FBI!"

"Abby that was 6 years ago!"

"Exactly! It's time that something bad will happen to the team!"

Gibbs came walking down the stairs and looked at them.

"Abbs."

"Yes Gibbs?"

"What are you doing up here?"

"I get lonely Gibbs. It's not like I have an entire office of people down in my lab. Bert and I got lonely so I went up here to talk to McGee."

"He has work to do Abbs."

"I'm not distracting him!"

Gibbs walked to them and looked at them.

"Rule 12."

Abby and McGee's eyes got huge.

"Uh .. I don't know what you mean boss."

"Sure you do. Just keep it out of the office."

Abby and McGee starred at each other.

Busted.

_**With Tony and Ziva at the park**_

They were walking. Holding hands. None of them said a word. No words were required, because no words would be able to describe what they wanted to say. But suddenly Tony stopped and took both of Ziva's hands.

**I'm saying sorry in advance  
Cause this won't always go to plan  
Though we don't mean to take our love for granted  
It's in our nature to forget what matters**

"Ziva. I know this is probably gonna sound stupid. But I have no idea how to say this to you."

"Tony you do not have to say anything."

"Yes I do."

Ziva locked her eyes to him.

"I know this is probably a bad idea. And I know that it will be far from perfect. But some things are worth fighting for."

**And when the going is getting though  
And we're all about giving up  
Things that we never thought we'd say  
Gonna say them  
Games that we never thought we'd play  
Gonna play them**

"I do not know what to say to you Tony."

"You don't have to say a word. I'm not asking you to give me an answer right now."

"But you need an answer?"

"Someday, yes."

"I just do not think that I will ever be able to give you an answer. To give you what you want."

"What is it that I want?"

"You want a family Tony. A big house. Kids. A wife who adores you. A perfect life. I can't give you that. It won't be that way with us. Ever."

"I know. But what if we tried?"

"I just do not want to look back and think that we made a mistake."

"I'm not asking for a family right now Ziva. I'm just asking for today. And tomorrow, I'll ask for another day. I'll ask you every single day if you need me to."

**It ain't perfect  
But it's worth it  
And it's always getting better  
It's gonna take some time to get it right**

**Cause I'm still learning the Art of Love  
I'm still trying to not mess up  
So whenever I stumble  
Let me know  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out for me  
Cause I'm still trying to learn the Art of Love**

Ziva looked at Tony and thought about his words.

"Just today huh?"

"If that's the only answer you can give me, then yes. I'm just asking for today."

"And you'd be okay with just today?"

"It would be one of the best days of my life I'm sure."

"But it still won't be the same as all your other girls Tony. I'm not used to all those romantic moments with flowers and sweet talk."

"Maybe that's what I like. Ziva we could sit here all day and find a million reasons not to do it. I don't know where we'll be tomorrow, next week, next year or in 50 years. That's the point of taking chances."

"I never learned how to do that Tony. I was taught to think logical and always be prepared."

"That's the thing about life Ziva. IF you don't take any chances, you're left wondering what might have been."

Ziva looked down at their hands.

**If I forget to get the door  
Remind you that you're beautiful  
I know my detail requires more attention  
If I ever hurt you, it's not my intention**

**Cause we're gonna make our mistakes  
Find out how much our hearts can take  
But I know that  
You got my back  
And Baby I got yours**

**Cause I'm still learning the Art of Love  
I'm still trying to not mess up  
So whenever I stumble  
Let me know  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out for me  
Cause I'm still trying to learn the Art of Love**

Tony sighed.

"But if you need time, I can give you that."

"But you don't have forever Tony. It is not because I do not know the answer."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I .. I do not want to risk losing you."

**Sometimes I'm gonna miss  
I'm still learning how to give  
I'm not giving up  
I'm still learning how to love  
Learning how to love**

"You'll never lose me. Not even if you tried."

"You cannot promise me that. If I lose you and the trust I have in you I shall never forgive myself."

"I promise Ziva. I know I can't promise that I'll always be by your side. I can't promise that I'll be the perfect guy for you. I can't promise that we'll still be together in the years to come. But the reason I want to try is because I can promise you today."

"You are not the only one who has made mistakes. I am sure we will both screw up."

"But don't you think it's worth trying?"

**Cause I'm still learning the Art of Love  
I'm still trying to not mess up  
So whenever I stumble  
Let me know  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out  
You need to spell it out for me  
Cause I'm still trying to learn the Art of Love**

They were interrupted when Ziva's phone rang.

"Sorry I have to answer. Work. Hello?"

"Ziva! Where in the world are you? It's 10 am?"

"Sorry McGee I got .. distracted."

"By what? Gibbs looks like he's ready to kill somebody and Abby thinks you're being chased by FBI again!"

Tony reached for the phone and took it from Ziva.

"Hey McGoo. She'll be there later."

"TONY! What are you doing with Ziva? What's going on? Hold on Gibbs wants to talk to you!"

"DiNozzo. Put it on speaker."

Tony took a deep breath and wondered if it was possible to get a headslap over the phone.

"David. DiNozzo."

"Yes?" They both said.

"Get yourself over here this minute. You're not getting paid to be at the park all day."

"Yes boss. Sorry boss."

"And three things."

"Yes?"

"1. Keep it out of the office. 2. Screw it up DiNozzo, and I'll have you reassigned back to the Seahawk faster than you can quote a movie where something like that happened. Clear?"

"As crystal boss."

"And 3. On time."

Gibbs hung up.

Ziva smiled at Tony. She started laughing. Tony joined her laugh and they just stood there. Laughing. People passing by and wondering what could be so funny.

**Don't worry guys it's not over yet (; **

**Songs used/mentioned:**

**Hungry Eyes – Eric Carmen**

**Art of Love – Jordin Sparks ft. Guy Sebastian **

**No Air – Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown**

**I had a Jordin Sparks thing today. I just really like her voice and those songs are very good when you need to get in touch with your emotional side. I do that when I have to write, I have like 13 playlists on my iPod with sad love songs just for writing.**


End file.
